In this post:
*????????????????????????
*Untouchable Water and Odd Birds
*Super Corporate Working Woman (Sort of)
*Nephew!
*And back to: ?????????????????????
*????????????????????????
*Untouchable Water and Odd Birds
*Super Corporate Working Woman (Sort of)
*Nephew!
*And back to: ?????????????????????
My, the time does fly! I guess I’m just not going to be posting nearly as often now that I’m working. It seems as if I just don't have time to do much of anything right now, but hopefully that will improve as I develop a routine--everything is new, from where to buy groceries to getting into a cleaning routine to how to get my butt up off the sofa after I come home from work... It's definitely much easier to blog when one is unemployed!
Overall I'm doing okay, just not sure where things are headed. Listed below is some of the usual day-by-day happenings and non-happenings, but what has been omitted (for the most part) is my daily ritual of WONDERING WHAT THE HECK I'M DOING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously. I just cannot seem to accept being here, and question it constantly. Wondering if I really want to do this job, or am now just obsessed with proving that I can. Wondering what I’m doing here, in Maine, in Auburn/Lewiston, where I just don’t seem to get, to click with. Is this really where I’m supposed to be? Really?? It just doesn’t feel right.
And so on. Every day.
Overall I'm doing okay, just not sure where things are headed. Listed below is some of the usual day-by-day happenings and non-happenings, but what has been omitted (for the most part) is my daily ritual of WONDERING WHAT THE HECK I'M DOING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously. I just cannot seem to accept being here, and question it constantly. Wondering if I really want to do this job, or am now just obsessed with proving that I can. Wondering what I’m doing here, in Maine, in Auburn/Lewiston, where I just don’t seem to get, to click with. Is this really where I’m supposed to be? Really?? It just doesn’t feel right.
And so on. Every day.
So, lots of conflicting feelings about it all, especially when I think ahead, and the long, dark Maine winter looms large over me. I often think "Seriously? I could have stayed in Holland!"
But, no, because a lot has changed since then that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't left. Oregon seems a bit like a dream now, this odd blip of adventure, but a lot went on there. Just the process of going was a big step. And the things that I thought were waiting for me in Oregon were not the things that were waiting for me, were not the things that I ended up challenged by and changed by.
So, too, I'm sure will be the case here. In retrospect. Someday. Some long distant day in the future, I'll go, "Oh! So that's what that was all about!"
But, ug, it's so hard to not know now. To be confused and think everything cannot possibly be working out the right way.
Well, anyway, here's the news....
But, no, because a lot has changed since then that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't left. Oregon seems a bit like a dream now, this odd blip of adventure, but a lot went on there. Just the process of going was a big step. And the things that I thought were waiting for me in Oregon were not the things that were waiting for me, were not the things that I ended up challenged by and changed by.
So, too, I'm sure will be the case here. In retrospect. Someday. Some long distant day in the future, I'll go, "Oh! So that's what that was all about!"
But, ug, it's so hard to not know now. To be confused and think everything cannot possibly be working out the right way.
Well, anyway, here's the news....
Tuesday, May 13: Everything bursting out, like a switch flipped, and overnight it seems like the trees just POPPED! And suddenly everything is green! Woo-Hoo!!!!
And, Philip finished the car, so I now have a car to drive to work and around. Also Woo-Hoo!!!
I was very excited by this until I realized that there was nowhere in particular that I wanted to go!
And, Philip finished the car, so I now have a car to drive to work and around. Also Woo-Hoo!!!
I was very excited by this until I realized that there was nowhere in particular that I wanted to go!
Thursday, May 15: Now that the green is coming in, thought I'd better get some photos of Lake Auburn before the trees hide it. Such a nice evening, so nice to get some fresh air after a tough day at the office ("Tough day at the office"--that's how we corporate gals talk!)
Lake Auburn is huge and quite beautiful, and practically in our backyard, but off limits. It's the city water supply, so you can't get near it, except at the boat launch to put in a boat. Absolutely no body contact, or being in the woods near the lake.
(Let's just say that I saw this sign after I made my little visit....)
Lake Auburn is huge and quite beautiful, and practically in our backyard, but off limits. It's the city water supply, so you can't get near it, except at the boat launch to put in a boat. Absolutely no body contact, or being in the woods near the lake.
(Let's just say that I saw this sign after I made my little visit....)
So, of course I'm a law-abiding citizen, and am not going to go around ignoring "No Trespassing" signs (at least, mostly!) but also, I won't go back again, because look! Could you resist wading in on a hot day? The water is so clear and the sandy bottom looks so soft...better to not even be tempted. And this is only a few minutes walk from my front door....I mean, come on!
Sigh.
Saturday, May 17: After running errands, decided to try out the car by driving down south of town, following the river for awhile, just to see whatever there was to see, and suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, there was something...
It was these big birds all along a wire over the river! They seemed to have webbed feet, and it seemed odd for them to be gripping a wire like that, but it's probably like a branch to them. They were very relaxed, just hanging out, and didn't seem to care about me taking pictures.
According to whatBird.com, they are Double-crested Cormorants! Awesomeness!!! (In breeding season, they have two tufts, or crests, of feathers sticking out from their heads--this is not breeding season, so no tufts! In fact, it looked like maybe adolescent birds on the wire with the adults, so way past breeding season.) They are about 28-35 inches in length--2-3 feet long! WhatBird.com also states that cormorants are excellent swimmers that pursue prey underwater using their feet rather than their wings, and their wings are not waterproof, so after being in the water, they have to spread them out to dry. And that they are very social birds and have been seen in colonies up to 20,000 birds. Double-breasted Cormorants seem to be the ones with the greatest range out of the various types of cormorants, and it looks like their range extends to the UP in Michigan, but not into the south, so not a bird seen around most of Michigan or the mid-west. Some types of cormorants only live right near the ocean, on the west or east coast.
According to whatBird.com, they are Double-crested Cormorants! Awesomeness!!! (In breeding season, they have two tufts, or crests, of feathers sticking out from their heads--this is not breeding season, so no tufts! In fact, it looked like maybe adolescent birds on the wire with the adults, so way past breeding season.) They are about 28-35 inches in length--2-3 feet long! WhatBird.com also states that cormorants are excellent swimmers that pursue prey underwater using their feet rather than their wings, and their wings are not waterproof, so after being in the water, they have to spread them out to dry. And that they are very social birds and have been seen in colonies up to 20,000 birds. Double-breasted Cormorants seem to be the ones with the greatest range out of the various types of cormorants, and it looks like their range extends to the UP in Michigan, but not into the south, so not a bird seen around most of Michigan or the mid-west. Some types of cormorants only live right near the ocean, on the west or east coast.
Cormorants over the Androscoggin River
Sunday, May 18: Spent much of the day shoe shopping—impossible situation! Want to have professional looking shoes that are also supportive and comfortable, are great for walking, and are cute. And affordable. Doesn’t exist! Ended up with some neon orange-pink running shoes. At least they will see me coming :-)
Sat out on the porch step chatting with Philip--he was out doing his truck project (he is making a pop-up camper on the back of his pickup) so I went out and sat on the step, which does end up being a good perch for talking while he is fixing a car or whatever. He told me about a hilarious book idea he has which I think he should totally write. I told him that I’m not sure what I’m doing in Maine, the only thing that seems to make any sense right now is that he and his son are here, so I can spend time with them.
Sat out on the porch step chatting with Philip--he was out doing his truck project (he is making a pop-up camper on the back of his pickup) so I went out and sat on the step, which does end up being a good perch for talking while he is fixing a car or whatever. He told me about a hilarious book idea he has which I think he should totally write. I told him that I’m not sure what I’m doing in Maine, the only thing that seems to make any sense right now is that he and his son are here, so I can spend time with them.
Monday, May 19: Back to work! There are almost always new hires taking the new hire class on Mondays, but very unusually, there were not today, so I ended up practice teaching in front of another trainer. It’s harder than it looks! I've always been the "expert" on what I'm teaching, so this is a real change. Doubts running rampant today. After work, I listened to a voicemail message from Reka and the gang at Kandu, calling in unison “Hello Ivy!” into the phone—just did me in. Ended up in the parking lot at the grocery store, in the car with the rain falling peacefully outside and dripping down the windows, crying wondering what is going on...
Tuesday, May 20: More practice training at work. After a lot of doubts about my new coworkers, wondering if it's good to spend so much of my day with these people, these medical billers, I am beginning to like the trainer I’m assigned to work with, my “Buddy”—seriously, this is what they call the person you are mentored by your first weeks/months. She’s a good collaborator and encourager, and has a great sense of humor. I feel conflicted about her and the other trainer's teaching styles, so not sure what to do with that, but at least she is nice.
Of course, this still doesn’t make me sure of anything regarding the job. But it’s nice to have that connection. AND! at At times it's kind of interesting chatting and collaborating and joking about all this billing stuff--weird, but interesting. I’ve never had to collaborate before. Always ran my own show. It’s an adjustment, but maybe not a bad one? (Although, of course that depends on who I'm working with!)
Of course, this still doesn’t make me sure of anything regarding the job. But it’s nice to have that connection. AND! at At times it's kind of interesting chatting and collaborating and joking about all this billing stuff--weird, but interesting. I’ve never had to collaborate before. Always ran my own show. It’s an adjustment, but maybe not a bad one? (Although, of course that depends on who I'm working with!)
Sunday, May 26: Memorial Day Weekend, but just blobbed out, glad for the rest after three weeks of work/training. Did take off driving on Sunday, a long detour to the laundry mat , and ended up in Minot and Mechanic Falls. Narrow, pot-holed roads, trees close in, and cars lined up behind me. Pretty day, but not much of interest. But at least I got out of Auburn and now I know what lays that way. And that it is NOT the way I was trying to go! (I got a map, so now I know. BTW, this map has moose roads marked on it—roads that have moose sightings on them. For tourists to see, or for everyone to watch out? I’ve heard it’s pretty bad to hit a moose. If you hit a deer, you might total your car, but if you hit a moose—due to the long legs and huge body—you could die. Seriously.)
There are so many trees here, and not many people. I love trees, dearly, truly, but you can't see anything--I feel a little claustrophobic at times. The biggest city in Maine is Portland, and that's 66,000 people. 200,000 if you scrape together all the outlying urban areas. That's the BIGGEST city in Maine! And in the whole state, there are only 1,300,000 people. In Michigan, the Grand Rapids metropolitan area is over 1,000,000 people all by itself. And if you think of Grand Rapids, you know it's not really that big of a city. Imagine that as just about the whole population of Maine, happily fitting into a little pocket of West Michigan. So you see! No people! Only trees upon trees. And, apparently, some moose, porcupine, mosquitoes (the unofficial state bird--ha,ha) and rocks. Many, many rocks. But I'm going to report on that in a later post. (When I have the photos to prove it!)
Another Maine observation: you know how everyone in Holland is all Dutch and stuff, and every other person is named Vander-something? Well, here it's all French. The whole north boarder of Maine is shared with Quebec, and there are lots of French descendents here--5% of the population speaks French, too. And there is something about blue houses....??? French people like to have blue houses, or something...still sorting that one out.
There are so many trees here, and not many people. I love trees, dearly, truly, but you can't see anything--I feel a little claustrophobic at times. The biggest city in Maine is Portland, and that's 66,000 people. 200,000 if you scrape together all the outlying urban areas. That's the BIGGEST city in Maine! And in the whole state, there are only 1,300,000 people. In Michigan, the Grand Rapids metropolitan area is over 1,000,000 people all by itself. And if you think of Grand Rapids, you know it's not really that big of a city. Imagine that as just about the whole population of Maine, happily fitting into a little pocket of West Michigan. So you see! No people! Only trees upon trees. And, apparently, some moose, porcupine, mosquitoes (the unofficial state bird--ha,ha) and rocks. Many, many rocks. But I'm going to report on that in a later post. (When I have the photos to prove it!)
Another Maine observation: you know how everyone in Holland is all Dutch and stuff, and every other person is named Vander-something? Well, here it's all French. The whole north boarder of Maine is shared with Quebec, and there are lots of French descendents here--5% of the population speaks French, too. And there is something about blue houses....??? French people like to have blue houses, or something...still sorting that one out.
Recent primary election: Nary a Huizenga, Vanderwerf, or Schrotenboer in sight!
Monday, May 26: Taught in front of a real student today for the first time—just one! It went okay, and I only did two out of the six lessons. Bit lame to start. My boss and "Buddy" were also in the room with me. I wasn’t expecting my boss, and it threw me off a bit—I got all mumbly and lost. She’s very nice, but she’s still my boss! After she left, we all relaxed more, the new student, too. She was quite tough and unfazed by everything going on, thank goodness!
Tuesday, May 27: The view out my window is green trees and purple lilacs, and little white and purple violets sprinkled in the grass, with a few dandelion friends to keep them company. And if I turn my head to look out the other window, that’s puffy pink azaleas—very pretty!
Today has been raining all day—heavy at times. Cozy to be inside, and I felt gratitude for a sheltered place to stay. Took a nap for the first time since starting work. Very nice, but rather late in the evening, so hard to wake up after. Napping is so lovely, but it's so dangerous...so nice to just stay in bed and loll and drift and not do anything but listen to the rain...
Tuesday, May 27: The view out my window is green trees and purple lilacs, and little white and purple violets sprinkled in the grass, with a few dandelion friends to keep them company. And if I turn my head to look out the other window, that’s puffy pink azaleas—very pretty!
Today has been raining all day—heavy at times. Cozy to be inside, and I felt gratitude for a sheltered place to stay. Took a nap for the first time since starting work. Very nice, but rather late in the evening, so hard to wake up after. Napping is so lovely, but it's so dangerous...so nice to just stay in bed and loll and drift and not do anything but listen to the rain...
Wednesday, May 28: Met with my boss today, who wanted to know how things are going. She had encouraging things to say about my teaching, but she’s that kind of person—very focused on positives (yay!). I felt bad not being more enthusiastic about the job, but I wanted to be honest. However, I did not say, “I have serious doubts daily as to whether or not I want to continue working here or even continuing to live in the area.”
Instead, I told her that things were okay, and that it was early days yet. She was excited about my making visual aids for the lessons, and told me to “Ivy-ize” things (her term), that I didn’t have to do it exactly like the other trainers. Big relief! But still not sure of anything.
Instead, I told her that things were okay, and that it was early days yet. She was excited about my making visual aids for the lessons, and told me to “Ivy-ize” things (her term), that I didn’t have to do it exactly like the other trainers. Big relief! But still not sure of anything.
Huh?? Thursday, May 29: After work tried another way home. Trying to go different ways sometimes, exploring, seeing what's out there, trying not to be so poopy about the city, but I always get lost. These roads make absolutely no sense. I remember being so proud of myself, smug even, for hopping around Portland (Oregon) so easily, but now I realize that is just because that city is so logically organized! Philip says that it drove him crazy at first, too, when he moved here, that he could never go anywhere without getting lost.
I took this picture while waiting for the light to change...and waiting and waiting and finally realizing that the light wasn't going to change (a whole line of cars was waiting and finally gave up). This is the second time this has happened, where the light just stayed red while the various cars on cross streets had their opportunities to go. I said some very unflattering things about the idiotic traffic in this town and crept into the next lane over to make a right- hand turn.
Lewiston is the second largest city in Maine. Wow, you might think, but it's Maine, so what that translates to is: 35,000 people. Yes, not kidding. (Auburn has about 25,000, so you could count them together for 60,000!). I still haven’t gotten to know the area very well—partly it’s hard to get around due to the crazy streets, partly I have a bit of attitude about it all, like I’m standing here with a snarky look on my face and my arms crossed.
So I know about nothing (perhaps want to know about nothing??), but have learned two things:
1) Question: Why does everyone here (and I mean, like everyone) drink Duncan Donuts coffees, and Duncan is all over the place? (Although I heard that there is a Starbucks, too. Somewhere.)
Answer: Coworkers report that this is a "not wealthy" community, and no one would pay the Starbucks price for coffee! So there is your interesting demographic of the day!
I took this picture while waiting for the light to change...and waiting and waiting and finally realizing that the light wasn't going to change (a whole line of cars was waiting and finally gave up). This is the second time this has happened, where the light just stayed red while the various cars on cross streets had their opportunities to go. I said some very unflattering things about the idiotic traffic in this town and crept into the next lane over to make a right- hand turn.
Lewiston is the second largest city in Maine. Wow, you might think, but it's Maine, so what that translates to is: 35,000 people. Yes, not kidding. (Auburn has about 25,000, so you could count them together for 60,000!). I still haven’t gotten to know the area very well—partly it’s hard to get around due to the crazy streets, partly I have a bit of attitude about it all, like I’m standing here with a snarky look on my face and my arms crossed.
So I know about nothing (perhaps want to know about nothing??), but have learned two things:
1) Question: Why does everyone here (and I mean, like everyone) drink Duncan Donuts coffees, and Duncan is all over the place? (Although I heard that there is a Starbucks, too. Somewhere.)
Answer: Coworkers report that this is a "not wealthy" community, and no one would pay the Starbucks price for coffee! So there is your interesting demographic of the day!
2) Does the area have any claims to fame?
Answer: Why, yes, actually! Lewiston does have at least one claim to fame: Patrick Dempsey (of Grey's Anatomy) was born here! His mother (who just recently passed away) was very involved in the community, and he also seems to stay connected by supporting local causes and visiting the area. My boss has photo of the McKesson something-or-other fund raising marathon-thing team, with Patrick Dempsey posing with them. She says he's super nice and that he kissed her cheek!
Friday, May 30: At work have been noting the New Englander language difference from the Midwest, which seems to be the accent, and also the use of the word "wicked” to mean “very”—and everyone seems to throw it out there now and then, young and old, New-England accent or not, just a word of the region. It’s odd to hear:
This past winter was wicked cold.
Coworkers new shoes: wicked cute.
My name, I’ve been told, is wicked cool.
Another coworker calls herself a “wicked eye roller.”
Wicked picky, Wicked awesome, Wicked strict, Wicked hard, Wicked fun!
I wonder when/if this word will come out of my mouth and in what context. ("I'm wicked confused about my wicked crazy life at the moment"?)
There are a lot of variations on the New England accent, too. Some people have a very hard, pronounced accent, and others only say certain words flattened out a bit (grammar becomes “gramm-ah,” clever becomes “clev-ah,” (she’s wicked clev-ah!). It’s funny; I’ll be talking to someone who doesn’t sound New England at all, and then there’ll be little tell-tale words that gives them away. One of the trainers mostly sounds like she could be from the Midwest, but she always says "con-vah-sation" for "conversation."
This past winter was wicked cold.
Coworkers new shoes: wicked cute.
My name, I’ve been told, is wicked cool.
Another coworker calls herself a “wicked eye roller.”
Wicked picky, Wicked awesome, Wicked strict, Wicked hard, Wicked fun!
I wonder when/if this word will come out of my mouth and in what context. ("I'm wicked confused about my wicked crazy life at the moment"?)
There are a lot of variations on the New England accent, too. Some people have a very hard, pronounced accent, and others only say certain words flattened out a bit (grammar becomes “gramm-ah,” clever becomes “clev-ah,” (she’s wicked clev-ah!). It’s funny; I’ll be talking to someone who doesn’t sound New England at all, and then there’ll be little tell-tale words that gives them away. One of the trainers mostly sounds like she could be from the Midwest, but she always says "con-vah-sation" for "conversation."
Saturday, May 31: Finally got to see my nephew, Christopher!!!! He’s been busy with a new job, too, but we finally managed to connect. I haven’t seen him in over 3 years, and he was always such a cutie, but now he’s so handsome and sweet and funny and smart and wonderful. He and Philip and I went out to eat--Christopher bought us dinner!-- and then bike shopping, and it was so nice to see him. I feel like such an Auntie!
Action shot! Nephew Christopher bike shopping.
Philip and Christopher--Philip took me to this baseball field to prove that Maine is not all actually trees. Or strip malls.
Sunday, June1: Went to the Lewiston Farmer's Market. It's only held for three hours and it's small, but great quality! So nice to find local, humanely-raised meats and local organic vegetables, and meet the hard working people that fight the good fight, holding onto their small farms and giving us all an alternative to Big Agriculture, the icky factory-farms industry.
After getting home, went down the road to see the old house about 1/2 mile down. Before things got green, this house didn't look like anything speical, except perhaps an older, very simple, slightly shabby white house with a gigantic old barn made of stone and weathered gray shingles.
But now with the green, it really is different than the neighboring houses. They are all "house, yard, driveway, done"--very no-nonsense, no depth. The 217-year-old house, though, has a wide yard with wild tangles of trees and bushes creating a boarder around the grounds, along with an the low stone wall common in this area. There is a wide, rambling feeling to the area around the house that makes it possible to see it as it might have been over 200 years ago, probably surrounded by woods then. It makes all the other houses' yards look exposed and lacking in "yard coziness" (I don't know how to describe it--does that make sense?).
After getting home, went down the road to see the old house about 1/2 mile down. Before things got green, this house didn't look like anything speical, except perhaps an older, very simple, slightly shabby white house with a gigantic old barn made of stone and weathered gray shingles.
But now with the green, it really is different than the neighboring houses. They are all "house, yard, driveway, done"--very no-nonsense, no depth. The 217-year-old house, though, has a wide yard with wild tangles of trees and bushes creating a boarder around the grounds, along with an the low stone wall common in this area. There is a wide, rambling feeling to the area around the house that makes it possible to see it as it might have been over 200 years ago, probably surrounded by woods then. It makes all the other houses' yards look exposed and lacking in "yard coziness" (I don't know how to describe it--does that make sense?).
And a little ways beyond the old house, there's the boat launch for Lake Auburn--and all the warning notices. It might be nice to sit on the dock if there weren't a constant stream of boats launching and returning, or if one wasn't tempted, so very, very tempted, to let one's feet dangle in the water...
What is not allowed? Apparently, anything fun!
Monday, June 2: Taught most of the new hire class today, with three students (and a trainer and my boss). Still rough, but improving. One of the students was quite a sharp tack and asked some very tricky questions—I definitely needed back up!
Thursday, June 5: Odd week of no other training. The two other trainers and I have all (very unusually) been at our desks working away. I’ve been researching all the stuff that I don’t understand, and am feeling better about it. I do like learning new things, anyway, so there's always that.
Monday, June 9: Taught the whole day of new hire training! To one (poor) student. She was so nervous, and I felt bad for her being the only one, and with two trainers, me and my observer/trainer there. It's not an easy day even with others in the class. It's like a trial by fire (although, I'm hoping to change that!). But it's bonding. I still chat with the other people from my initial class, a couple of 20-year-olds, one very sweet and one very funny, very blunt.
Still have four other classes to learn, plus systems training, which I am also expected to teach. Now that I've done one, that proves I can do it...so now do I really want to keep going??
Friday, June 13: Well, six weeks at the job! It seems to have gone by quickly, and yet, I feel like I've been here and doing this forever. This wasn't the best week ever, as I have been increasingly clashing with one of the other trainers (not my "Buddy," but the other one) who has a personality type that I find VERY difficult to work with. I haven't been much impressed with her from the beginning, and there are some days that are just harder than others.
But anyway, it's also payday, so that helps!
Still have four other classes to learn, plus systems training, which I am also expected to teach. Now that I've done one, that proves I can do it...so now do I really want to keep going??
Friday, June 13: Well, six weeks at the job! It seems to have gone by quickly, and yet, I feel like I've been here and doing this forever. This wasn't the best week ever, as I have been increasingly clashing with one of the other trainers (not my "Buddy," but the other one) who has a personality type that I find VERY difficult to work with. I haven't been much impressed with her from the beginning, and there are some days that are just harder than others.
But anyway, it's also payday, so that helps!
I guess I'm still no closer to deciding if I will stay here in Maine, at this job, or not.
Just been thinking lately that I had, through all my adventures in the last six months, finally started to realize that I don’t know what’s going to happen, can’t predict it, and can just try to be open to it, ready for the surprises and challenges, and even look forward to the coming adventures--or at least not be so worried about them. But now that's all falling apart on me, because I just can't seem to accept my current reality. I want to know what's going on and where this is all headed. So I guess I'm not really so ready to "go with the flow" as I thought I was. Or perhaps it's just easier to go with the flow when you like the flow more?
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Just been thinking lately that I had, through all my adventures in the last six months, finally started to realize that I don’t know what’s going to happen, can’t predict it, and can just try to be open to it, ready for the surprises and challenges, and even look forward to the coming adventures--or at least not be so worried about them. But now that's all falling apart on me, because I just can't seem to accept my current reality. I want to know what's going on and where this is all headed. So I guess I'm not really so ready to "go with the flow" as I thought I was. Or perhaps it's just easier to go with the flow when you like the flow more?
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
A few weeks ago, in a more optimistic mood, I wrote this for myself:
No, I don’t know why I'm here or where this is all going. Even if I thought I did, I don’t really know. But something is unfolding here, and it may take more time than I would wish, and it may be maddening to not know what it is, but I am here now…I can give it a little more time and see what happens.
I’m going to try. At least sort of. Sometimes.
That's the best I've got right now.
No, I don’t know why I'm here or where this is all going. Even if I thought I did, I don’t really know. But something is unfolding here, and it may take more time than I would wish, and it may be maddening to not know what it is, but I am here now…I can give it a little more time and see what happens.
I’m going to try. At least sort of. Sometimes.
That's the best I've got right now.
I hope you all are having a great summer, with lots of warm days and sunshine! Thanks for reading and responding and helping me feel connected!
See you late-ah!!
See you late-ah!!
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